This is how I choose and act now.
Now, if my interior self likes something, it resonates in me there and I go and I understand that I am taking the right way and receiving energy in return. And life has become easier. Experiencing pain inadequately - it was like that before. Now I feel like a shield that blocks a sick inadequate emotion and delivers it to me without unnecessary sensations, and I understand everything at this moment. And on the way we do not encounter problems, only tasks that are easier to overcome, there is wisdom, strength from somewhere and we want to go on. Then, having already solved the problem, we realize our strength, which is easy, we can do more and this adds another portion of pleasant feelings to us.
And perhaps out of line, but very important to me! I started to pay more attention to myself, I took care of myself ... (which did not happen before) I don't want to endure or do anything to the detriment of my interior self now (within reason).
-----------
The most powerful change is that I feel myself. I choose myself. It changes life, relationships, work - the world turns in a different way. It is in me.
-----------
1. Work assignments
It was:
There were tasks that my interior self just didn't want to finish. Always tormented by the thought "What the hell again?", Why it was not possible to refuse? Why do I need this nonsense? Might this not have happened? Why should I bother with this? I was enraged by every loyalty that destroyed the system and which concerned me, was taking my time and just catching up with myself that situations were being created again for the repetition and moreover increase of this kind of referrals. Such tasks sometimes could lie down for a while, in fact I was waiting for the point when "oops" was almost there. I looked at them day after day, tried to start, started, but did not finish, it was uncomfortable because of it, very much, the energy was merging, because I really don't like to owe or to be guilty, I had a burden on my soul, a constant one, which, to be honest, did not let me continue working.
What happened:
The first signal was that eating "frogs" (things you don't want to do) has become much easier, now they are not "frogs" at all, but just a slightly more uncomfortable task, over which you need to think a little more and you need to do a little bit more. And you just do it, without tormenting yourself with mental burdens about what this task is, what it might not have been, if this or that had been done, why they didn't hear me, etc. To close the question - satisfied, moved on! I still don't like to obey idiots, but it's easier to do it now, if I understand for myself that this environment is my current choice.
2. Subordinates
It was:
Feeling about my colleagues: it's a "kindergarten" for mentally retarded people, as if people are not just stupid, but progressing in this direction at incredible speeds. I was so pissed off. I came to visit my parents, while working remotely, more than once I received feedback, that they say so you will collapse and it was impossible not to agree with this. Before, I could shout to put it mildly, and it was very easy to piss me off, just show me imagination at work, for example, or waste my time in vain - and you will hear how I see all this and who you are. I constantly poked at people, at their negative sides, and the positive sides were very difficult to see, or I rather did not want to look at them all.
What happened:
I started to have break-downs less and later I had no breakdowns.
Apart from the fact that I began to have a break-down less often, there was an inner peace and agreement that people are not robots (yet), more precisely, that they would work like robots, they need to be rebuilt, and consequently, I now give more chances, I speak more calmly, pointing out the situation and not poking into a person, into his essence. I began to share my vision of the future more. They began to listen to me more clearly. Saying "Well done" to a subordinate, even if a simple task was completed, has become much easier.
3. Leadership Meetings
It was:
Colleagues say illogical non-sense, change concepts (in purpose) with a clever look, because the position obliges, constant diversion, avoiding the essence of the issue under discussion, and as a result for me : psychosis, i.e. lost time, few results. A smart facial expression does not indicate the presence of intelligence, in general, this is the situation.
My reaction : let's call it an emotional outburst. I wanted to run away, I often raised my voice at my colleagues, they pissed me off with their stupidity, illogicality, lack of understanding of the system structure in the existing real processes, when they had to understand them! In the given condition, it did not matter who my next victim would be, I expressed everything as it was, in an elevated, nervous tone. The head and the whole body simply seethed with uncontrollable aggression, and an inner voice said, what idiots you are, how I got all this, nothing will change in their understanding, etc. Negative energy + my eternal struggle took a lot of energy and made my life gray, dull (suffering is too, by the way, my dear thing. I'm just a professional energy drainer and I have a lot of ways to do it). This struggle and the absence of results simply destroyed my psyche.
What happened:
One break-down was spotted on the CFO during the last meeting,, only one 😊 and it was different, there was no fever in the body and no desire to help a person to hit his head on the table. Otherwise, stupidity, illogical nonsense, etc. were simply not touching me, honestly I was glad inside that they did not piss me off. This is how, for example, a person comes and is nervous at you, and you raise your tone in response, so you have accepted evil, i.e. your world has changed due to the fact that the world of another person resonated in you at a specific time. Now I just do not seem to accept other people's emotional worlds and can be in the state that is in me. It became easier to interact with people, they hear me better, even small hints began to work in some situations.